Hating Success: Guidelines Against The Sports Hater

Posted: March 8, 2012 in Sports
Tags: , , , ,

The best thing to do with most haters - smile and wave.

 

It’s that time of the year – March. To the person who doesn’t watch sports, it’s just a month that usually brings us the first taste of Spring. But to a sports fan, it means one thing – March Madness, the most exciting time period and playoffs in all of sports. Yes, I said ALL of sports. Because between the college basketball conference tournaments and the NCAA championship tournament, there isn’t a single month all year with more unpredictable, exciting, scintillating games and matchups than March. That doesn’t make NCAA basketball the overall best sport to most – but you can’t match it for the excitement it generates during it’s playoffs. And, unlike any other major American sport – you truly can have a Cinderella team come out of nowhere to shock the world. And no matter who you pick to win it – more often than not, those teams actually don’t win it all. The upsets are part of the great joy associated with March Madness.

March Madness is The Player Haters' Ball for a number of sports fans.

But moreso than any other time of year – this is the primetime showcase for the sports hater. It’s like The Player Haters’ Ball for sports hating. Oh, the sports hater is there year-round – trashing certain teams and athletes nonsensically, simply due to the success of those teams and players. More often than not, these haters have become haters because their own teams suck or aren’t as good as the top teams – so, since they cannot attain happiness by watching their team, they find it in hoping another team that is good fails. That’s the absolute mark of a sports hater – they pay attention and care as much about a team that’s not their own as the do the one they do cheer. OR, the player they like isn’t as good as another, or they feel the need to down another player simply because that player may be considered by some better or in the same league as the player that they support/like.
Living in Buffalo, NY – I’m naturally surrounded by tons of them (see: most Buffalo Bills & Buffalo Sabres fans).

This has reared it’s head this week, as college b-ball heats up. I’ve heard people laughing at others’ teams who lost – when they have nothing to do with their own teams. People posting trash talk on their friends Facebook pages – when their team is straight wack juice. And, as a Syracuse Orange fan (and proud alumnus), I’m used to having jealous scrubs hate on my team because – well, truth be told, since I’ve been on this Earth, the team has never had a losing season. Like – literally never. Since I’ve been alive. And they ALWAYS get at least 20 wins. That type of success breeds hate.

So, with that said, let me prepare my fellow Orangemen and Orangewomen (yes, I’m old school, so I still call us that) for what will come. But please – anyone who isn’t an Orange fan, apply this advice and analysis to your own teams – by all means. Here are 10 things to keep in mind during the month in regards to imbeciles hating on Syracuse – but also in a general sense year-round in response to sports haters.

 

1. The only people who can talk any real trash before the NCAA tournament are Kentucky fans. However, you will find very few true Kentucky fans most likely if you live in NY State, Maryland, Virginia, etc. – basically, in the North East part of the U.S. What you WILL find is quite a few bandwagoners who like to ride with the #1 team. Feel free to call them out, since we all know next year they’ll mysteriously be Ohio State/Syracuse/Duke/UNC/insert team here fans.

The rest of the haters who open their mouths to you? Not much to really say, seeing as Syracuse is the #2 school in the nation, and was #1 for 6 weeks prior to that. But they’ll still yap. Make sure you remind them that all that yapping doesn’t change the fact their team isn’t close to our level.

2. Prepare for absurdity in predictions. Haters have no rational thought or logic in what they say or the “analysis” they offer. They’re hoping your team loses. So keep that in mind when they say West Kentucky has a real shot at beating SU. These type of idiots really think because they hope something and want to see it, it will happen. It’s quite possibly mommy and daddy never taught them the difference between the fairytales they read and reality – Simon was a cartoon, dude. He’s not going to draw a loss for a team simply cuz you don’t like them.

3. Get ready for the extraneous. I already had some dude pop off this week about Syracuse players being druggies, in addition to the obligatory Bernie Fine jokes. None of that stuff has changed reality of what’s been accomplished or effected the team, right? Don’t let the hater distract you with that. Stick to the topic at hand – his/her team sucks, and probably is on the bubble to even make the NCAA tournament. All that crap has nothing to do with SU being a favorite to be the 2012 NCAA champions.

They’ll also try to bring up the past…“I remember back in ’05 when my team beat yours…” – huh?!? I remember last night when West Wichita Junior College beat your wack-arse squad by 34 on ESPN 2, homie. Fudge outta here with that. Understand – most haters don’t want to deal with the present reality. It makes them feel better to say anything to slight your team. Don’t let them alter the conversation – stick to what’s eating them up to begin with. And that’s your team being good.

4. When your team takes a loss, prepare for them to ride the jock of the team that beat them. You know how many Notre Dame basketball fans I know? None. You know how many I knew when they handed Syracuse their first loss of the season? Tons. Take it in stride – the hater is actually revealing themselves to be completely pathetic by hitching on to a team they know nothing about. Remember – it’s about finding joy at the expense of a team or player that’s good. The pathetic scrubs are actually sitting at home watching every game your team plays, just like you are – except they’re cheering for them to lose, so they can feel good about it and talk spit. Call them out for jock-riding, and feel free to ask them how well their team has been doing as of late.

5. Don’t even respond to phone calls or texts. I have a simple rule – if you never talk to me about my team when they’re doing well, we certainly aren’t talking when they aren’t. In fact – calling or texting me right after a loss when I know you’re attempting to do so to either be happy at the loss or to ask stupid questions like “What happened?” is a sure way to not hear from me for weeks – possibly months. It’s not that I’m upset – I didn’t pick up the phone, and I most likely deleted any voicemail or text without being exposed to the content – it’s just knowing you were on some hater ish to begin with. And I know those people just by seeing their names pop up.

6. Feel free to clown their rationalization for being a hater. Let it ’em have it, and call ’em out at every opportunity. After all, hating is undeniably an intrinsic form of b!+<ha$$ness. There IS no good excuse for it. I once had someone try to justify it by saying “Well, you’re always wearing your Syracuse gear and talking about your school when they’re on TV.” AND?!? Muddatrucka – it’s not my fault your team sucks, and you didn’t even go there – you went to Devry. Own that – don’t fault me for being prideful. Or try this one: “I don’t like Syracuse because Jim Boeheim looks like a weasel. How’d he get that fine wife anyways??” Umm…you sound real suspect saying ish like that, homie. Real suspect.

7. Don’t fall into the trap of hating in retaliation. Many people do this, in an attempt to get the hater back. All it does is feed the pathetic dummy’s hate. Prime example – some of the biggest haters I know are Georgetown Hoya fans. In fact, I think to BE a fan of those mutts, you must first be a hater. For real. Yet, when they lost to Cincinnati Thursday – I didn’t email any of them. No phone calls. No posts on their Facebook walls. Why? Because I don’t care about those mutts. I only care about them when they’re in my team’s path. Likewise – I’m not watching them hoping they lose to talk ish. I didn’t enjoy them losing. I didn’t care. I can watch them play and not care – I care about MY TEAM. Even teams I don’t like, (GTown, Duke, Notre Dame, BYU, etc.) – I’ll watch them if the game is a good one, and not feel the need to talk ish to any fans of those teams. Only if it comes up at a later date do I even reference it to a hater.

Remember – their team isn’t as good as yours. You should expect them to lose or suck. I know I do.

8. Haters will invent the future to make themselves feel good. Oh, this is a staple of the hater. They love to tell you what will happen to your team in the future based on – well, based on hate. Nothing factual, logical or rational. “Next year your team will suck when such-and-such happens. Such and such player will decline. Your team’s coach won’t even be there in 2 years.” Or my favorite: “Karma will get them.” Karma?? What karma? Based on your dislike? Well – if you’re that powerful, mighty djinn – why don’t you cross your arms, nod your head and conjure up a championship for your team, huh? And while you’re telling the future and conjuring up titles – can you do a kick-arse rendition of “Never Had A Friend Like Me?”

Love that song.

Maaannn…ignore that tomfoolery. These same putzes predicted “This is the year!” for their crappy squad at the beginning of the year, right? Okay then. You already know the live a land called Delusion. No sense in even entertaining their asinine “predictions” rooted in hate.

9. Don’t be a sore loser. We all experience disappointment when our team loses, but you can’t win ’em all. Odds are, your team isn’t going to be the last team standing every year. But don’t give the haters the opening they desire. If you’re completely crushed, don’t exhibit that in front of a hater. Because all they’ll do is make it much worse, and most likely make you want to bust them right in chops. I personally don’t get THAT upset…but some people do. All I’m saying – don’t reveal devastation in front of the biggest haters you know. They’re ALREADY annoying jerk-offs, right?

10. Even when your team wins, don’t expect any credit. Seriously. Expect them to list every reason your team won that didn’t have to do with them simply being the best overall team. They’ll tell you how lucky your team was to avoid another squad. The refs will have been on your team’s side, or even flat-out handed them the game. Or it was due to teams just having bad games – never due to your team, oh, I don’t know – winning on their own merits. Even if your team won by 50 points each game – they’ll go as far as saying the games were rigged. Never put the conspiracy theory above the hater. The hater is relentless in their commitment to hate.

 

And there you have it. 10 guidelines you should follow in dealing with haters. I can easily deal with these morons, but I know they annoy the crap out of many of my friends, especially my Orange family. Just remember, always – they’re miserable little putzes who take joy in watching a good team lose or decline. Do what I do – have fun with them. A hater’s worst enemy is the truth and reality. Hit ’em with it – reality bites. Just like their teams, most likely.

And, for those Syracuse haters reading this (because I know they are – haters never miss an opportunity to check out things related to the teams they’re hating on) – here’s a little something for you to gnash your teeth at…

Dion Waiters dunked all over UConn - similar to what he's done all season long to every team the Orange have played.

 

We see you – Hi, Haters!!!

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s